Are You Real in this Relationship?
This question might be something you would expect to hear sometime in a couple’s courtship. One person wonders if the other is really committed for the long haul. I think Jesus is asking his disciples this question. Are you sure you want to be with me for the long haul? Do you have what it takes to make a total commitment to me? It feels like he is giving his disciples the opportunity to ask themselves that hard question.
I think of the time that my sister revealed to her then-boyfriend the fact that she has cystic fibrosis. She had not yet shared that with him because she was afraid he might turn around and walk away. But instead he said, “Just because you have that disease doesn’t mean you deserve love any less.” That response was music to her ears! They are married now for twenty years and have two lovely daughters.
I believe that at the deepest level we want to be in longstanding relationships of unconditional love. Such relationships are most consoling, most satisfying. I have felt this newly in a recent visit with my parents. My mom just turned 84 years old and my dad this week turned 86. Being with them is such a comfort. I know they love me and support me, and I believe they feel the same from me. When I left them to return to San Diego, that night I found myself so thankful to God for them. I also tell them again and again that they gave us kids “the gift that keeps on giving.” In other words, because they have loved us so fully, I feel able to, in turn, love others.
I think such relationships are satisfying because when we love like that, we love like God loves us. God loves us all in a unique and infinite way, without conditions, without qualifications. And I believe therefore God is inviting us to also love ourselves and others without conditions and without qualifications. Jesus is certainly inviting his disciples to carry their crosses, and to sit down and calculate whether or not they have it in them to commit so wholeheartedly. But the good news is that because God has loved us first and has given us “the gift that keeps on giving,” we can, in turn, give of ourselves. Let’s be real in our relationship with God and with others. God has loved us first.